That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
