I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize