I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
