the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
