2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
