I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
