Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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