Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
