I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
