and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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