There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
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If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
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You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize