He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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