Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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