The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
