My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
