I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
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We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
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And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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