How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
