He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
