He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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