She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
