yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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