Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
