You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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