well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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