so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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