there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
