xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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