Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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