Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your aforementioned shoe
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize