ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
