i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
