That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
