textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize