I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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