1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
