id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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