I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
