She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
