i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
