I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
