He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
