so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
sarcasm needs its own font
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize