How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
