She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
