Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
