the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize