So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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