if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
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I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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