If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
