Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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