Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
