as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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