So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
