never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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