i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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