I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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