Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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