Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
