I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
