This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
