Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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