my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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