I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
