woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
