I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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