U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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