Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
