If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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