dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
