Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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