your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
