Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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