do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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