So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
