Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my sisters under your porch take her home
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the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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