I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
