I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
