my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Can Purell be used as lube?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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