i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
