It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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