I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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