we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
