You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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