My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
