I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
