i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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