omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
